Sunday, December 28, 2008

My Grandmother's Strength

I have been thinking about my grandmother who passed away on Christmas Eve in 1993. I was cleaning out my jewelry box this morning and came across a pair of ear rings that I inherited from her. That sent me searching for this picture of her. I love this shows both her outer and inner beauty. She is the woman that I compare myself to and I know I will never achieve that strength and beauty that she had. I can only try to be the same to my grandchildren as she was to me. My grandmother was quietly strong..she never raised her voice but at the same time got her point across. Her family was from Copenhagen, Denmark...I remember her father still had the accent and told jokes all the time...really really dry jokes. She grew up on a farm in Washington State. She raised 2 girls on her own until she met my step-grandfather. I never heard her complain. She handled her cancer the way she handled life...with dignity and calmness. Toward the end I could see in her face that she was angry. I tried to talk to her about it but she would only say she was fine. She took what ever feelings she had with her . I got the call on Christmas Eve morning and took the next flight to Portland, Ore. I remember feeling lost ..the home I had spent every summer as a kid was not the same without her was empty. It took me a long time to return to Portland after the funeral. Guess it was my way of denial. I could ignore that she was gone and that I could have been a better granddaughter to her. But I realize most of us regret not telling those closest to us that we love them. I am not sad writing this. I think because it will be a new year ..I am just thinking about the kind of person I am and I wonder if she would be proud of me. But I know the answer to that one...she loved me like no one ever will again...with unconditional love. When I get angry at my grandkids...I think of her love and the anger fades away.

What does this have to do with creativity and is the love and security that she gave me that helps me try new things take live each day to its fullest...because I can hear her in the back of my mind telling me that I can do it.

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